the secret sin forming your people

Sixteen years ago, I was twenty-something and single, serving as a youth pastor in a small rural church. But amidst the joys and challenges of ministry, I was quietly being formed by an addiction I had kept hidden for years.

Through adolescence into young adulthood, I had convinced myself I was alone in my struggle. The secrecy invoked shame, of course, but the additional shame I might endure from confession led me to believe keeping it in the dark was the safest, best, and only option. The messaging I internalized early on was “pastors aren’t allowed to struggle”, so you can add a double dose of shame on top of it.

I resigned myself to the idea that I would have to carry this secret with me forever.

But one day I received a text message from one of the key members of the church. His message was simple, but cryptic.

“Hey! Can we talk sometime this week?”

We both played on the worship team, so after worship practice one Wednesday evening, we went into my office. He shut the door, sat down on the chair beside my desk, and said, “I’m addicted to pornography.”

I was frozen initially.

I had two choices.

I could say, “Wow, man. That’s tough. Sorry you’re struggling with that.” Or I could finally come clean about the very same sin that I was entangled in.

I’ll get to my response in a later blog post. But clearly, this issue is deeply personal for me.

And chances are, if you’re still reading, it’s personal for you too. Even if it isn’t, you have people in your family or your church who quietly struggle with their addiction alone, as I did.

Porn addiction is one of several issues the modern church struggles to address openly.

Not because they’re rare, but because they’re far too common.

Christians rightly recognize and call attention to common sinful impulses within culture, but do we exert the same effort and energy toward sins that have become tragically common within the church itself?

After all, if we’re to employ the logic of Jesus, we ought to first honestly and aggressively deal with the ideas and impulses that stand in violation of our image-bearing nature before we point our finger at someone else (See Matthew 7:3-5).

This begins a series of three blog posts where I’ll make my best attempt to do just that. We’ll take an honest look at how and why pornography addiction is going unnoticed and unaddressed, and how it is quietly eroding our credibility with the outside world.

Let’s start with some data points.

Recent studies conducted by the Barna Group reveal that 54% of practicing Christians report consuming pornography to some degree, while 75% of Christian men and 40% of Christian women report pornography use on some level (Barna Group, 2024). Even more sobering, two out of three pastors report having struggled with pornography at some point in their lives (Barna Group, 2024). My story alone is a testament to that number.

The raw data tells us this is not a fringe issue. It is one of the defining discipleship crises of the digital age.

On a recent episode of The Caffeinated Christian Podcast, we interviewed Jo Bartosch and Robert Jessel, authors of the book “Pornocracy”. This is a timely, well-researched and rather graphic work (fair warning) showcasing pornography’s impact on society, relationships, identity, and human flourishing. The outside world’s keen observance of porn’s negative impact on society should serve as a bucket of ice water on the face of the church.

We need to wake up to this issue.

Bartosch describes pornography not simply as a personal moral issue, but as an entire system shaping modern culture (Bartosch & Jessel, 2026).

This statement has clear theological implications. God is the Creator of all things good, true, and beautiful. But Satan, God’s enemy, while he cannot create, he can counterfeit what God has created. To quote John Mark Comer, “If Jesus’ anthem is ‘On earth as it is in heaven,’ the devil’s is ‘On earth as it is in hell.’”

The global adult entertainment industry generates roughly $15-97 billion annually (LifePlan, n.d.). Yes, I know, that’s an insane range! For a plethora of reasons, the exact number is notoriously difficult to pin down .

Discipleship is fundamentally about being formed by someone or something into a particular shape.

The question is never whether we are being discipled. The question is always who—or what—is discipling us?

Pornography as Digital Discipleship

The historic Christian church has always understood discipleship as a slow process of becoming more like Jesus through worship, community, Scripture, prayer, and obedience.

But modern technology has introduced another catechism that hijacks even our very best intentions.

It’s always available.

Always personalized.

Always demanding attention.

And increasingly shaping human desire.

Robert Jessel described pornography as part of what scholars call “limbic capitalism,” a system where “Very smart people hijack the brain’s reward system for profit” (Bartosch & Jessel, 2026).

Pornography, among other substrates of the digital landscape, is designed to hijack the brain’s reward pathways for profit: The issue is not merely nudity.

The issue is neurological formation.

Pornography trains the brain.

It conditions desire.

It rewires expectation.

It shapes how people understand intimacy, pleasure, relationships, and even identity.

Jessel explained:

“Porn is perceived by the brain as sex… It’s used to facilitate orgasm which floods the brain with a cocktail of feel-good chemicals which light up the reward system in more or less the same way that real sex does” (Bartosch & Jessel, 2026).

But unlike covenantal intimacy, pornography removes love, sacrifice, commitment, and mutuality from the equation.

It offers pleasure detached from personhood.

Consumption detached from covenant.

Desire detached from responsibility.

And eventually, it leaves people profoundly isolated.

The Church’s Underestimation of the Problem

One of the most concerning realities uncovered by Barna’s recent research is how much churches continue to underestimate pornography’s prevalence.

Only 33% of pastors believe pornography is a major issue within their congregations, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary (Barna Group, 2024).

Meanwhile, 81% of pastors admit their churches are not adequately addressing compulsive sexual behavior or pornography use (Barna Group, 2024).

This silence has consequences.

Because the aspects of every day life the church refuses to disciple, culture will gladly step in to disciple instead.

Many Christians grew up in churches where pornography was either ignored completely or discussed only in terms of shame.

But shame creates silence, and silence leaves people isolated.

And silence and secrecy is where addiction flourishes.

Bartosch observed:

“The new taboo that has emerged is being judgmental or being critical or stigmatizing anything. And actually, there are some things that should be stigmatized because they are harmful” (Bartosch & Jessel, 2026).

There is a natural impulse in pastors and church leaders to be liked. But cultural pressure around sex positivity mixed with our desire to not appear prudish, outdated, or “judgy” can (and often does) lead us to feel like we shouldn’t say anything.

But we need to steady our hearts and minds on the essential, timeless truths around sexuality. Here are two basic ones:

God is not anti-sex.

God is profoundly pro-human.

Therefore, the biblical vision of sexuality is not restrictive because God hates pleasure. It is protective because God loves people.

The Pornification of Adolescence

Perhaps nowhere is pornography’s influence more devastating than among children and teenagers.

The average age of first exposure to pornography is now estimated between 11 and 13 years old in both the United Kingdom and the United States (Bartosch & Jessel, 2026).

And today’s pornography is not the softcore material of previous generations.

Children are being exposed to violent, degrading, and extreme sexual content before they are emotionally or psychologically capable of processing it.

Jessel warned:

“We’re not talking about naked women. We’re talking about the most degrading imagery that you could imagine” (Bartosch & Jessel, 2026).

This matters because pornography does not merely inform behavior.

It shapes imagination.

It trains expectation.

It forms people long before they understand what is happening to them.

The result is an entire generation learning about intimacy through algorithms instead of relationships.

Learning about bodies through exploitation instead of dignity.

Learning about sex through performance instead of covenant.

The Gospel’s Better Vision

The church cannot merely condemn pornography. It must present something better.

And Christianity does offer something better.

The Gospel presents a radically different vision of humanity.

A vision where bodies are sacred. Where sex is covenantal. Where intimacy is relational. Where people are not commodities. And where love—not consumption—is the ultimate goal.

Pornography teaches people to consume. Jesus teaches people to love.

Pornography trains isolation. Jesus offers us communion.

Pornography reduces people to images. Jesus recognizes people as image-bearers.

This is why the church cannot afford silence. Because this is not merely about morality. It is about what it means to be human.

Grace & Peace,

Mike

References

Barna Group. (2024, October 17). Over half of practicing Christians admit they use pornography. https://www.barna.com/trends/over-half-of-practicing-christians-admit-they-use-pornography/

Barna Group. (2024, November 22). The silent problem of pornography use among pastors. https://www.barna.com/research/pastors-pornography-use/

LifePlan. (n.d.).The porn pandemic. LifePlan

Bartosch, J., & Jessel, R. (2026, May 18). Interview on The Caffeinated Christian Podcast [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/Ulby0s9pix4