creating space for the family to flourish
Our greatest joys and deepest wounds originate in the family.
That phrase hits home because it’s universally true.
Family life is messy. Whether you grew up in a stable home or a dysfunctional one, every single one of us carries spoken and unspoken wounds from our family of origin. The data backs it up too: a Pew Research study found that 54% of Americans say their family is a source of both love and stress.
So here’s the question for churches serious about health:
Are we creating space where real families—with real brokenness—can flourish in the gospel?
The Illusion of the Perfect Family
C.S. Lewis once wrote a short essay called The Sermon and the Lunch, where he describes a pastor delivering a sermon that idealized the family as a haven of peace and rest. But Lewis observed something interesting: the congregation stopped listening five minutes in. Why? Because everyone knew the picture he was painting wasn’t real.
They knew his family didn’t look like that. And theirs didn’t either.
Many in our churches are struggling quietly under the weight of unresolved tension, favoritism, estrangement, or years of miscommunication and dysfunction. And when the church only paints a rosy picture of the “Christian family,” we unwittingly create a culture of silence—where people feel like they have to hide.
That’s not health. That’s performance.
Dysfunction Runs in the (Biblical) Family
If you’ve ever thought, “I just want a biblical family,” be careful what you wish for. Most families in the Bible are anything but ideal. They aren’t held up as role models. They’re cautionary tales—raw, honest depictions of real people navigating messy relationships.
Genesis 25–27 gives us one such story: the household of Isaac and Rebekah.
Here’s what we find:
Parental favoritism: Isaac loves Esau for what he does (bringing him wild game). Rebekah loves Jacob for who he is—or maybe because of what she wants him to become.
Sibling rivalry: Esau sells his birthright out of impulse. Jacob manipulates him out of it.
Manipulation and deception: Rebekah schemes to secure God’s promise, but does so through deceit, rather than trust.
Estrangement: The story ends with Esau vowing to kill Jacob. Jacob flees. Rebekah never sees him again.
This isn’t just ancient history. It mirrors today’s family breakdowns: favoritism, manipulation, quid-pro-quo love, and generational sin cycles that go unaddressed for years.
Yet, God still works through it.
Why This Matters for Church Health
A healthy church doesn’t just preach the gospel—it creates ecosystems where people can actually live it out.
And here’s the truth: Churches that want to be spiritually healthy must help families get relationally healthy.
We need to ask:
Are we creating opportunities for healing and honesty within the home?
Are our kids’ ministries, youth groups, small groups, men’s/women’s gatherings, and preaching moments helping people own their story and break cycles of dysfunction?
Are we forming environments where people can share wounds without shame?
Too often, churches focus on how to grow their numbers instead of how to heal individuals. But you can’t multiply healthy disciples from spiritually unhealthy homes. It just doesn’t work.
The Path Toward Flourishing Families
So what does it look like for the church to be a place where families flourish—even when they’re broken?
It starts with three key commitments:
1. Create Space for Honesty
We have to normalize the mess. Don’t pretend perfection from the stage. The Bible doesn’t, and neither should we. When pastors and leaders are honest about their own family struggles, it opens the door for others to say, “Me too.”
Let your ministries be grace-filled environments that say: “You’re not too far gone.”
2. Encourage Confession and Forgiveness
Families flourish not through avoiding conflict but through dealing with it. Healthy churches teach and model what it means to own sin, confess it, and extend forgiveness.
That’s not just a counseling issue—it’s a discipleship issue.
3. Call People to Receive the Better Blessing
In Genesis, Jacob schemed to get his father’s blessing. But in Christ, we don’t strive for acceptance. We receive it.
The gospel says that in God’s family, you are already:
Chosen
Known
Loved
Secure
You don’t need to manipulate, perform, or pretend. You’re not defined by the dysfunction you came from. But by embracing your new identity in the family of God, you can heal from it.
A Call to the Church
Let’s resist the impulse to be the church that celebrates picture-perfect families. Let’s be the church where:
Marriages are repaired
Generational sin is confronted
Kids learn grace, not performance
Parents are equipped to love like Jesus
Siblings learn reconciliation, not rivalry
We do this through counseling, teaching, community, and prayer—but above all, by creating a culture of grace.
The church can’t erase someone’s painful family story—but it can offer them a new one.
That’s what church health looks like. Not polished perfection. But honest people find healing in the family of God.
Because if the gospel doesn’t work in the home, it doesn’t work at all.
Let’s build churches where families—real families—can flourish.
Want to talk more about building a church culture where families thrive? Drop a comment or email us—we’d love to help you explore that journey.
Grace & Peace,
