let the wishdream die

Diedrich Bonhoeffer was a young theologian studying in New York City in the 1930s. When he returned to Germany, he found a church that had been hollowed out—hijacked by the Nazi regime, reduced to a mere shadow of the way of Jesus.

What happened?

A whole generation of Christians had traded the costly grace of discipleship for what Bonhoeffer called ‘cheap grace’—a grace that required nothing of them. As he put it:

“Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without repentance, baptism without church discipline, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living incarnate” (Bonhoeffer, 1937, p. 44).

Bonhoeffer wasn’t just talking about individual salvation; he was talking about the church. He believed that grace is something lived out in the trenches of real Christian community, not just a theological concept we agree with in our heads.

The Reality of Church Community

Jesus said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30, ESV). But let’s be real. The Christian life still requires much of us.

It requires sacrifice.

It requires surrender.

It requires submission.

The hard truth is that submission to Jesus also means submission to His body, the church (see Ephesians 5:21). Pastor, can I share a truth that is essential for your people to know?

We cannot be disciples of Jesus and be disconnected from His people.

Everyone who sets foot in your church is looking for community. Some are new, still feeling things out. Others have been attending for years, maybe even decades. But we all share the same deep ache—for belonging, for family, for a place where we are known and loved. Why? Because we were made in the image of God, a perfect community of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

But it becomes easy to disconnect because our experience of church community is often messy and uncomfortable. It’s full of letdowns and unmet expectations. Maybe you started ministry hoping to pastor a community of people that perfectly embodies Acts 2, but instead, you found a group of broken, frustrating, awkward, self-absorbed sinners.

To that I say, “Welcome to life in ministry!”

The death of a wish dream

Bonhoeffer put it this way in Life Together:

“Innumerable times a whole Christian community has broken down because it has sprung up from a wish dream. The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams…The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community, the better for both” (Bonhoeffer, 1954, pp. 26-27).

We are seeing churches fracture and close because leaders run ahead with their idea of community, and neglect Jesus’ vision of it.

Let that truth settle in your soul.

Your idea of community—the one where everyone is always kind, no one ever lets you down, and all your needs are met—has to die before you can experience real community. The church is not a curated social club for people who ‘get it right.’ It’s a family. And families are complicated.

real community

So here’s the question: What’s your wish dream?

Have you let it die yet?

Because the people God has actually placed in your congregation—the ones singing off-key during worship, the ones who complain the music’s too loud, the ones who sometimes frustrate you, the ones who don’t live up to your ideal—these are your brothers and sisters. You may be going through a tough season right now. I get it.

But resist the belief that the grass is greener somewhere else.

Remember that you get to love them. To serve them. To bear with them. To forgive them.

That is the seedbed of real community.

The Urgent Need for Church Health

Many churches today are struggling—not because they lack good preaching, solid theology, or well-structured programs, but because they are battling division, consumerism, and unrealistic expectations of community. According to a recent study by Barna Group, 38% of pastors have seriously considered leaving ministry due to stress and congregational division (Barna, 2022). Moreover, Lifeway Research found that only 35% of churchgoers believe their church fosters deep, authentic relationships (Lifeway Research, 2021).

Pastor, church health is not about numbers. It’s about biblical faithfulness. It’s about shepherding people through disillusionment into real, gritty, grace-filled community. Maybe you agree with all of that conceptually.

But how does it work practically?

If your church is wrestling with disunity, burnout, or stagnation, I’d love to help.

Maybe you sense something is just “off.”

Whatever is prompting you to get help, get it.

And it doesn’t need to be me.

But as a church consultant, I help churches cultivate healthy leadership structures, deepen community, and refocus on mission. If your church needs guidance in navigating these challenges, I would love to start a conversation.

Contact me today to learn more.

Grace & Peace,

Mike

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References:

Barna Group. (2022). The state of pastors: 2022 update. Barna Research.

Bonhoeffer, D. (1937). The cost of discipleship. SCM Press.

Bonhoeffer, D. (1954). Life together. Harper & Row.

Lifeway Research. (2021). Churchgoers and relationships study. Lifeway Christian Resources.